The Capulet Babe
by Cookies and Cream Fan
Summary: Juliet is addicted to tea and allergic to fur. Romeo likes dumb blonds. Angelica is a kung-fu champion. Mercutio and Benvolio are stalkers, wondering about their friend's love. Romeo will never kill himself over Juliet, right?
1. Chapter 1

Juliet sighed impatiently. Why were those lazy servants always late? She wanted her tea served on time! Is that too much to be asked of those sluggish bums? She felt that she, Juliet Capulet, should not have to wait for her tea!

Angelica, her nurse, finally bustled in, looking quite nervous. Juliet had ordered for tea, but her father had made it clear that his daughter was not to have tea. Juliet would not be pleased. "Milady, your coffee is almost done, but…"

"Coffee?" Juliet shrieked. "I wanted tea!"

"Your father forbade it," Angelica explained hurriedly. "He said that you were too young. But…"

"But?" Juliet's eyes were chips of ice. "How could there be a but?"

"There's a young man outside," the words came out in a rush.

"His name?"

"He won't say, milady. But the servants call him cliché."

Suddenly, singing drifted in from outside. The two rushed to the balcony and saw below them a young man singing his heart out. Juliet sighed blissfully. This was so romantic! Behind her, her mirror shattered to glass bits.

"Isn't this beautiful, Rose?" Juliet asked dreamily.

"Yes, just beautiful… if you're tone-deaf," Angelica muttered. Juliet chose to ignore her.

"Romeo?" Juliet breathed when she recognized the singer.

"Juliet?" Some rustling of branches and leaves came after that. "Ouch! Stupid thorns!"

Juliet bend over the balcony, "Will you catch me if I fall, my dear Romeo?"

"If I happen to be able to be near. And if you weigh less than 130 pounds." Some more rustle and then Romeo appeared, holding a rose. "For you, my Juliet."

"Awww," Juliet took the flower. "How sweet of you!"

"My beautiful Juliet, I love…" Romeo broke off, looking at Angelica, who was glaring at him with open suspicion. "Your puppies."

"But I don't own any puppies. I'm allergic to fur," Juliet looked confused, not quite understanding.

"Ah!" Romeo nodded agreeably. He liked dumb blonds. "My mistake, dear lady." Then to Angelica, he bowed, "Bye."

"Good bye?" Angelica didn't budge.

"Ah, my darling Angelica," Juliet pushed the nurse out the door. "Do go see if my tea is ready."

"Coffee," Angelica corrected.

"Whatever," Juliet shut the door in her maid's face. Turning back to Romeo, she smiled shyly. "Where were we?"

"Oh, yes," Romeo took her white hand. "Radiant goddess, I love you." He stepped closer to her and closer and closer. Juliet shivered at the closeness. Was this going to be her first kiss?

The door suddenly opened, revealing Angelica. Juliet cursed her silently. Couldn't she have come back later? Romeo and Juliet's lips were on a few inches apart!

"Aha!" Angelica struck a karate pose. "Back off, you mongrel!"

"Woman, are you insane?" Romeo shouted, using his hands to shield his face. He wanted to punch the woman, but he didn't dare. No man hits a girl...even if the girl looked like a man.

"Hush, my darling," Juliet begged. "Do you want the whole house to hear you?"

"The control the madwoman!"

Juliet heard some footsteps. Romeo froze. The door opened, and her cousin, Tybalt, ran in.

"Romeo Montague?" Tybalt looked shocked. "Get away from my cousin!"

Romeo drew his sword and the fighting started. Angelica was screaming that there shouldn't be fighting in a maiden's room. Juliet was a bit annoyed at Tybalt and Angelica for ruining my first kiss. After a while, she had enough. Her head was starting to hurt from Rose's screaming.

"Romeo, stop fighting, please!"

"How?"

"I don't know! I don't care! Just stop it!"

Romeo hesitated, and then lunged, thrusting his sword right into Tybalt's chest. Blood squirted everywhere, and Juliet pretended to faint. Romeo caught her with his left arm (his sword was in his right), which was exactly what she wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

Juliet must've really fainted, for she remembered nothing but waking up in her bed the next day.

"What happened?" She asked drowsily.

"Tybalt's dead," Angelica said tartly.

Juliet didn't care for Tybalt a bit. "What about Romeo?"

"He's banished."

Banished! Juliet was horrified. "Why?"

"He killed your cousin, milady." Duh!

"So? Tybalt wasn't worth that much!" Juliet screamed. "So what if he's dead? _Romeo shouldn't have been banished!_"

Angelica looked up at Juliet, "Sorry, can't help you there, lady."

"Oh, woe is me! Romeo banished. Am I never to set eyes on his face again?"

"No," Angelica said bluntly. Sorry.

Juliet ignored her nurse, "Oh, sweet moon goddess! Have pity on me! My love has been torn away from me. Please, my lady Moon. Help me in my hour of distress!"

"It's noon," Angelica pointed out the obvious.

Again, Juliet chose to ignore the comments from the peanut gallery. "My heart is in pieces. My soul blackened by ashes. My life I care not for. Just, please! Help my poor, sweet love!"

"Oh, stop it," Angelica sighed impatiently. "You know you can't love him."

"And why is that, woman?" Juliet snapped.

_Is she honestly that stupid?_ The nurse thought. "Have you forgotten, milady? You're Lady Juliet, jewel of the Capulet. And he's Romeo of the house of Montague, mortal enemy of the Capulet. If you attend your history lessons for once, maybe you'd know," Angelica added dryly.

"So what if his last name is Montague?" Juliet was starting to lose control of herself. "It's just a last name! His last name could be La Idiot for all I care!"

"Romeo the Idiot," Angelica mused. "I like that."

"Rose! Stop pestering me with such nonsense!"

"What would you have me do then, lady?"

"Oh, go jump off a cliff," Juliet dismissed the older woman with a dismal wave. "I don't care!"

Angelica studied her lady, "Love always makes a girl rebellious. But then again, you've always been defiant."

"And what do you mean by that?" Juliet demanded.

"Oh, nothing, lady, I meant nothing." Angelica knew better than to anger Juliet, especially when Juliet had just heard of Romeo's verdict.

"A servants' place is to obey and be silent," Juliet scolded. "You'd do well to remember that, woman."

"Yes, milady, my mistake," Angelica said meekly. Juliet's anger was something to be afraid of; she was definitely not a girl to be reckoned with.

Juliet sat down in front of her mirror (not the broken one, but her hand mirror.) Her blond, wavy hair was down to her waist, her blue eyes piercing and sharp. Her eyes were big enough, but her nose a bit on the large side. Her lips were a fair color, as well as her cheeks. If only her nose was a bit smaller.

"Angelica…" Juliet turned to her nurse.

"Your nose is fine, milady," Angelica cut her off. Juliet was like this every day. The girl cared too much about her looks. She was pretty, and she wasn't going to turn ugly anytime soon. Juliet just needed to calm down and stop fretting over nonsense. "If you keep worrying, your hair will turn white sooner."

"I'm not worrying about my nose!"

"Then what are—oh," Angelica finally understood. "Romeo again?"

"Rose, have you no heart, no emotion?" Juliet's sad eyes focused on Angelica's face. "My love, soul, life has been banished into the harsh, brutal world with nothing but the clothes on his back, friendless. How could I not worry for him?"

Angelica stared, disbelieving. Surely this conceited, self-obsessed girl could never be able to fully love a man. Surely this was all an act. But the worry and distress in Juliet's eyes looked so real that Angelica began to have her doubts. Could this girl have a part inside her self-absorbed heart that cared about other people? And if she did, could that person be Romeo Montague? Juliet didn't even say a word of sorrow when she heard of her cousin's death. Yet when she heard of Romeo's banishment, she started to scream as if doom day had arrived.

_That boy always had had too much charms for his own good,_ Angelica thought, shaking her head. She had known Romeo as a good-for-nothing farrago, a smooth-talking ladies' man. He had been famous ever since he was 14 for his fencing skills, hot-temper, and his way with ladies. Now that she thinks about it, Angelica remembered that Romeo did have a girlfriend. Was he going to dump her for Juliet? Or was he two-timing both girls? What other girls could he be in a love affair with? Rose knew none of the answers, but she knew how to find out. Tomorrow was Market Day. She'll find out there.


	3. Chapter 3

"Yo, Romeo!" Mercutio asked during a break from fencing practice. It was clear that Romeo was going to win. "You still here?"

"What?" Romeo turned to face his best friend.

"Yeah," Romeo's other friend, Benvolio, jumped in. "Thinking about her?"

"Who?" Romeo examined his sword, checking for dents and scars. "The Juliet girl?" He let his tone sound nonchalant.

His friends didn't buy the act for a second.

"Oh, c'mon, Romeo," Mercutio grabbed the sword out of Romeo's hands. "No need to be shy."

"Juliet's not bad-looking. I'll give you that," Benvolio grinned. "But you've got Rosaline to worry about."

"Nah, I dumped her." Romeo reached for his sword, but Mercutio pulled it out of his reach. "Dude, seriously, give it to me."

"To bad she's a Capulet," Benvolio mused, ignoring the scuffle. He looked at Romeo sharply. "You're not going to give her a go, are you?"

"I could care less that she's a Capulet," Romeo responded, still reaching for his weapon. "She's hot and that's the end of it."

"You've got that right. She's a first-class babe. But she's a _Capulet_ babe," Mercutio stressed Juliet's last name as he finally tossed the sword back to Romeo. "Off-limits."

"Says who?" Romeo caught it. "Just because she's a Capulet doesn't mean she's, quote, off-limits, end quote."

"Yes it does," Benvolio insisted. "She's a Capulet. You're a Montague. Capulet and Montague don't mix."

"That's what you think." Romeo flashed his trademark smile (the smile that won Juliet over at the ball) and left, whistling.

"He's up to something," Benvolio muttered, picking up his sword.

"Let's follow him," Mercutio suggested. Benvolio nodded, and the two of them jumped up and followed their love-sick friend, feeling very much like stalkers. Actually, they were stalkers.

Romeo wasn't exactly the brightest guy on earth. He never noticed that he had three shadows instead of one: his real shadow.

He didn't really do anything out of ordinary that evening. All he did was space out from time to time—

"Probably thinking about Juliet," Benvolio snorted.—

But other than that, everything was normal. Until that night.


	4. Chapter 4

"Psst, Mercutio, wake up." Mercutio was awakened by the voice of Benvolio that night.

"Whatdoyawant?" Mercutio asked drowsily.

"Romeo's not in his bed. I heard noises in the hall and went out to investigate. It was Romeo leaving the castle."

Mercutio yawned, "Great for him. Now let me go back to sleep."

"Dude, c'mon! Get up! We're following him."

"You can. I'm not. I just want sleep."

"Dude, this is serious! Juliet Capulet is dangerous!"

"How? She's nothing but a 13 year-old girl."

"He loves her. He can't have her." When Mercutio said nothing, Benvolio went on, "He might kill himself over her!"

Mercutio laughed, "Impossible. He'd never do that."

Then, Mercutio heard Romeo's words coming back to him.

"That's what you think."

The next morning, Romeo wasn't there for breakfast.

"Mercutio, we should've followed him last night," Benvolio whispered during breakfast.

"Aye," Mercutio felt ashamed of his selfishness. He should've gotten out of bed last night! "What do we do now?"

"Let's try to find out where Romeo is," Benvolio suggested.

"He's banished." A new voice came into the conversation.

"Lady Rosaline?" Mercutio was surprised to see Romeo's old girlfriend. He hadn't seen a trace of her ever since Romeo dumped her for Juliet Capulet. "How do you fare?"

"Been better, but I thank you for asking" was the terse reply.

"You said he was banished?" Benvolio questioned, steering the conversation back on track.

"Aye," Rosaline smiled wryly. "He killed Tybalt Capulet in a fight late last night."

"Last night?" Mercutio exchanged a guilty glance with Benvolio. "Was he not sleeping?"

"No," Rosaline flipped her hair. "He was in Juliet Capulet's room for unknown reasons." She turned dark eyes to us, "You two knew about this, didn't you?"

"No," Mercutio replied honestly. "I knew that he…"

"No," Benvolio cut Mercutio off sharply. He wasn't about to let Mercutio's brutal honesty blow the two off as traitors. "We knew nothing."

"Yeah, right," Rosaline didn't buy it. "I know that you two knew something, if not, everything." She turned and stomped away. Mercutio caught her muttered last words as she walked past him. "Curse you, Juliet Capulet!"

"Amen." Benvolio heard too. "Death to the Capulets!"

"I do not believe that is necessary at the breakfast table," Lady Montague, Romeo's mother, overheard Benvolio's comment.

"Despite the fact that we all wish for that to come true," Lord Montague added wryly. He was silenced by his wife the Ice Queen's frostiest glare. Mercutio felt the room temperature drop tremendously. Benvolio shivered, yearning for his cloak. The surface of his drink turned to ice. Benvolio tried to drink out of the cup, but no matter how hard he tried, no liquid met his lips. Lady Montague was sure mad at the mention of her son's banishment.


	5. Chapter 5

Katherine was getting worried. He daughter had refused to eat, drink, or sleep for a week now, and Katherine had to hire servants to force food down Juliet's throat. The girl cried everyday and wouldn't leave her room. She threw random fits in which Juliet would throw objects at other objects and even people. Thank God the girl had horrible aim!

One afternoon, Katherine stopped Angelica, Juliet's nurse, in the halls. She was determined to find out what was wrong with her daughter. If Angelica didn't know, then nobody would.

"Angelica, come here." The woman obeyed silently. "I've noticed a change in my daughter's behavior. Is she ill?"

Angelica looked a bit uneasy. "I believe that she's emotionally ill."

Katherine wrinkled her perfect nose, "Emotionally?"

"Aye, madam," Angelica nodded. "I believe it is due to watching her cousin's death."

"Oh," Katherine got it now. That made sense. "Can she be treated in any way?"

"I think time would be the best, madam," Angelica answered.

"If you say so," Katherine replied. "I'll let you handle it."

"Yes, madam," Angelica curtsied.

Katherine walked back to her rooms. What exactly happened last Friday night/Saturday morning that turned Juliet such a strange creature? Did Tybalt get a chance to say his last prayers? Why didn't Angelica use her kung-fu skills to fight off Romeo? Katherine didn't hire a kung-fu champion for no reason! And why was Romeo Montague there? What did he want from Juliet?

The worried mother opened the door of her room. Her husband, John, was sitting inside, sipping on some tea and reading.

"Dearest," Katherine began. "I've been thinking."

"A noble lady like you shouldn't think," John didn't look up from his copy of _The News._

Katherine hesitated, unsure on how to go on. "Yes, dearest, I know, but what was Romeo Montague doing in our daughter's room?"

"What?" He finally looked up from his reading.

"Why was Romeo Montague in Juliet's room?" Katherine repeated.

"I don't know," John looked thoughtful. "But I do wonder."

"It's a bit… strange, don't you think, dearest?" Katherine sat down next to John.

"Let's ask Juliet then. She might know," John folded up his newspaper and got up.

TH two walked over to their daughter's room. They could hear screams from down the hall. Katherine sighted. Juliet was throwing a fit again.

"ANGELICA JUST SHUT UP! I DON'T CARE!"

John looked at Katherine, a little scared, "Was that Juliet?"

She nodded. John made a face, which was like a cross between "I really don't want to know" and "What in the world is going on?"

John opened the door to Juliet's chambers and a hairbrush sailed over his shoulder.

"Angelica, are you alright?" John used his hands to shield his face as he stepped timidly into the messy room, dodging flying objects. Random items littered the ground and Katherine almost stepped on a piece of mirror glass.

"Yes, sir," Angelica was busy trying—and failing—to put the room back in order. "But the Lady Juliet is getting better at aiming."

"What happened?" Katherine ducked as a shoe flew over her head.

"Angelica, listen to me," Juliet snapped. "I do not care if Romeo's last…" She stopped abruptly, looking at her parents uncertainly. _They mustn't know that I love Romeo! _Juliet thought, so she shut her mouth. "Never mind."

"Darling," John said soothingly. "I've been meaning to ask you. What was Romeo Montague doing in your room last Friday?"

Juliet froze, "Uh, Romeo Montague? I… I don't know."

"Did he say anything to you at all?" John questioned.

Angelica could see that Juliet was prepared to lie, but was unable to come up with a believable lie. Angelica felt bad for the girl. It seems as if Juliet really did love Romeo, and being Juliet's nurse for 13 years, Angelica did have some affectionate feelings for Juliet, so Angelica decided to lie for the love-sick girl.

"Romeo just wanted a way to get inside. He had no intentions for Juliet other than death. I believed that he wanted to kill everyone while they were sleeping. Tybalt heard Juliet's cries of help and rushed in to save her, only to be killed. Juliet fainted and I threatened to call the guards. Romeo fled."

Juliet turned to Angelica, eyes wide with astonishment. Then, noticing the eyes of her parents on her, Juliet snapped back to normal. "Yes, yes, that was it. Thank you, Angelica."

Katherine nodded, believing Angelica's story. John seemed to have fallen for it too, for he started for the door without another question. But before he could reach the door, he remembered something.

"Oh, yes, darling, I almost forgot!" He turned to face Juliet with a happy smile on his face. "You remember the young man Paris?"

"Paris?" Juliet scoured her memory for something other than the city named Paris. Then she remembered, "Oh, yes, the youth that came to visit you last spring?"

"Aye," John nodded. "Paris had written to me, asking for your hand in marriage."

"My hand in marriage?" Juliet was surprised.

"Aye," John nodded again. "Your hand in marriage. I think it shall be a lovely match." And with that, he and Katherine left.

Juliet was horrified. "Never," she exclaimed. "O, bid me leap, rather than marry Paris, from off the battlements of any tower, or walk in thievish ways, or bid me lurk where serpents are; chain me with roaring bears, or hide me nightly in a charnel-house, O'ercover'd quite with dead men's rattling bones, with reeky shanks and yellow chapless skulls; or bid me go into a new-made grave, and hid me with a dead man in his shroud—things that, to hear them told, have made me tremble—and I will do it without fear or doubt, to live an unstain'd wife to my sweet love."

"Why did this Paris do that make you so unwilling to marry him?" Angelica inquired curiously.

"He's not Romeo," Juliet responded immediately, quite serious.

Angelica waved aside the obvious, "Other than that."

Juliet thought for a while, "He threw potato chips in my hair."

"Potato chips?" Angelica looked amused.

"It's not funny, woman," Juliet snapped.

"Right," the nurse stifled her laughter. "I beg your pardon, lady."

"You'd better," Juliet muttered.


End file.
